About Me...
"There was a time when I’d thought that I’d felt every feeling, suffered every
heartbreak, and cried every tear I had in me. Then I turned seventeen and
everything fell apart..."
I can remember writing this only a couple of years ago. So much if my early childhood had been
fairly happy. I was aware of my parents marriage troubles growing up but my mother had
managed to keep my brothers and I, happy and safe.
When I was 16, the inevitable finally happened. My parents divorced.. and my whole world came
crashing down. I watched helplessly as both my parents turned to alcohol. I learned that when
your parents divorce it can sometimes feel like a family divorce as my older brother moved away,
my little brother stayed with my dad, and my mom and I moved out.
A few months and a move in with her boyfriend later, I watched as things only spiraled further out
of control..
"At their worst, there were moments where I could hardly recognize my mother
and the person she had become. There were nights of arguments turned into
shouting matches. Times when everything in sight was thrown against the wall
and moments that turned scarily physical. I felt so uprooted as we moved back
and forth between her boyfriend and hotel rooms. But the most memorable
feeling for me, was the feeling of helplessness. I’d always been so independent and
so strong but I found myself in a place that I didn’t recognize with my mother
whom I barely knew staring into a mirror reflecting a person I could no longer
identify and that scared me… it scared the hell out of me. "
My first feelings were of numbness, disbelief.. but soon that numbness turned to sadness, and
sadness to despair. I felt so many feelings I'd never even imagined I could feel. There were
moments when I was hopeful, though very fleeting. And moments when all I thought about was
dying so all of this could just finally be over. And in the worst of times, I found myself considering
things I'd never thought possible.
"And then there came a day when I realized that as much as I desperately
wanted too, I couldn’t save my mother. That no matter how long I stood by her
side, it was her decision and her decision alone. You can’t save someone who isn’t
ready to be saved. I realized that as I was breathing the life that I could into my
mother, I was slowly dying inside. I can still remember the day that I first said it
to my mother-- “the only person looking out for me is me.” And so I chose to
save myself…."
So much of myself has been poured into my websites, my first- Shelter In The Rain, and now this
website. Although, the original intent of this website was for it to be geared towards children of
alcoholics, I've now felt the inner push to open it up to discuss so much more of what effects so
many young women today as I have found myself effected by or dealing with so many of these
issues as I grew up and struggled through so many difficulties. So feel free to open up and share.
There are no judgements here. Only a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to help build
you up again because there truly are strength in numbers.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along.' You must do the things you think you cannot do." - Eleanor
Roosevelt
Thank You for visiting!
~ Lacy Lynnette
heartbreak, and cried every tear I had in me. Then I turned seventeen and
everything fell apart..."
I can remember writing this only a couple of years ago. So much if my early childhood had been
fairly happy. I was aware of my parents marriage troubles growing up but my mother had
managed to keep my brothers and I, happy and safe.
When I was 16, the inevitable finally happened. My parents divorced.. and my whole world came
crashing down. I watched helplessly as both my parents turned to alcohol. I learned that when
your parents divorce it can sometimes feel like a family divorce as my older brother moved away,
my little brother stayed with my dad, and my mom and I moved out.
A few months and a move in with her boyfriend later, I watched as things only spiraled further out
of control..
"At their worst, there were moments where I could hardly recognize my mother
and the person she had become. There were nights of arguments turned into
shouting matches. Times when everything in sight was thrown against the wall
and moments that turned scarily physical. I felt so uprooted as we moved back
and forth between her boyfriend and hotel rooms. But the most memorable
feeling for me, was the feeling of helplessness. I’d always been so independent and
so strong but I found myself in a place that I didn’t recognize with my mother
whom I barely knew staring into a mirror reflecting a person I could no longer
identify and that scared me… it scared the hell out of me. "
My first feelings were of numbness, disbelief.. but soon that numbness turned to sadness, and
sadness to despair. I felt so many feelings I'd never even imagined I could feel. There were
moments when I was hopeful, though very fleeting. And moments when all I thought about was
dying so all of this could just finally be over. And in the worst of times, I found myself considering
things I'd never thought possible.
"And then there came a day when I realized that as much as I desperately
wanted too, I couldn’t save my mother. That no matter how long I stood by her
side, it was her decision and her decision alone. You can’t save someone who isn’t
ready to be saved. I realized that as I was breathing the life that I could into my
mother, I was slowly dying inside. I can still remember the day that I first said it
to my mother-- “the only person looking out for me is me.” And so I chose to
save myself…."
So much of myself has been poured into my websites, my first- Shelter In The Rain, and now this
website. Although, the original intent of this website was for it to be geared towards children of
alcoholics, I've now felt the inner push to open it up to discuss so much more of what effects so
many young women today as I have found myself effected by or dealing with so many of these
issues as I grew up and struggled through so many difficulties. So feel free to open up and share.
There are no judgements here. Only a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to help build
you up again because there truly are strength in numbers.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along.' You must do the things you think you cannot do." - Eleanor
Roosevelt
Thank You for visiting!
~ Lacy Lynnette
